I never admitted this before, but I really desired some kind of "holy popularity" while a student at my Christian college. I really wanted to be recognized. I wanted to be in a specific sorority, but didn't get a bid. I wanted to be on the homecoming court, but never got nominated. I really wanted to be a leader on the Beach Reach mission trip, but wasn't chosen.

I felt like I was finally becoming a truer version of myself that I was finally proud of, but I wanted to be recognized for it. I wanted validation. 

Looking back on my years at DBU, there is so much I am glad about and thankful for. I'm really glad I worked 2 jobs throughout my time there. I'm really glad I learned how to simplify my schedule and say no (even if it took me all three years to learn it). I'm really, really glad that I took my education seriously and loved my classes and did well in them. I'm really glad I traveled. I'm really glad I served. I'm really glad I lead.

I am truly honored that I WAS honored and validated in some ways. However, I wish I would have taken the time to be more grateful for what I was celebrated for and I wish I would have taken less time to yearn for more. I also should have taken time to celebrate myself more! Even more than all of that, I wish I had the maturity at the time to be celebrated by God and not man. 

It's all a part of the human condition, I guess - to want more, to want success, to want validation and encouragement. Going to DBU was such a blessing on so many levels. I learned so much about God, about others, about Communication, about myself. But I wish I could have learned sooner to not long for the celebration of man.

In college, I really desired to know if I was doing a good job and if other people liked me. But God taught me that if I take my insecurities to Him, then He'll replace them with security IN Him. PTL!